Baby Stats

Laser Blade readers may have heard that my wife and I are expecting a child in a few months. This is a joyous time for us, as well as friends and family, so I thought I would open up and share some of what this experience has been like so far, how we are coping, and what kind of plans we have for the baby, who appears to be a girl.

As the delivery date is set in early September, it looks like one of the most crucial decisions parents make is coming up: the Choosing of Attributes, Skills, and Statistics. Bridget and I have really been thinking about this. Do we want a well-rounded child, or de we want to bump up one of the stats a little higher than the others to give her a specific talent set? It’s very tough. Of course, the roll of the dice will play a factor, but this is what I’m thinking of selecting (based on the average allowance of 100 points; again, we’re hoping for a nice healthy dice roll to have a little wiggle room):

Intelligence--20
Speed--8
Agility--8
Dexterity--6
Strength--8
Perception--14
Beauty--15
Magical Ability--4
Charisma--12
Toughness—5

As you can see, I’m going for intelligence, as well as beauty and charisma, which can be very helpful in life. Magical ability isn’t too high on my list of priorities, as I don’t foresee the Hearkening of the Ancient Ones to be happening in her lifetime. Toughness is a little low as well, so she won’t be doing any melee combat, I hope. I imagine she’ll use some sort of ranged weapon most of the time. Perception is big for me too—with those high numbers she’ll be able to learn quickly and understand the more subtle energies of the world, which will give her an advantage in social situations and when she’s solving crimes.

Of course, she’ll be able to hone these numbers as she sees fit as she grows and levels up. Perhaps she’ll want to be a bit more strong so she can fight with two-handed weapons; I’m just not sure.

I haven’t even really started on choosing her skills. But I do like Diplomacy, Move Silently, and Intimidate. Maybe Swim and Heal as well. We’ll see.

Anyway, this is kind of an early draft, but I thought I would show it to you, to bring you into this beautiful experience of creating life.

P---whip Bang----

This cracks me up every time. Plus, the songs are great!

From Tim and Eric, of course.

Salt Pepper Ketchup episode 6

Remember to hit up the home page at www.salt-pepper-ketchup.com.

Salt Pepper Ketchup episode 6 from Brendan Huffman on Vimeo.

Huffmans pass first test; remain on reality TV

Bridget and Brendan Huffman debuted tonight on ABC's Here Come the Newlyweds reality TV show. They defeated their enemies swiftly and graciously to progress to week two of the hour-long program, which is in actuality a raw test of physical skill and emotional power disguised as mere frivolous entertainment for the masses.

"I was pleased," said Bridget, after watching herself on TV. "My physical appearance was agreeable and I feel that I inspired fear in my adversaries. The merry looks on their faces betrayed what must have been an indescribable unsettling feeling, as if they knew I would bring upon them their own personal nightmare."

"I also liked it," said Brendan.

The Huffmans hosted a gathering with friends at their house to watch the premier episode. At a commercial break, TJ Rafferty, a Philadelphia law school graduate, shouted merrily, "This is excellent! Go Huffmans!!" and everyone agreed with a hearty "Hurrah!"

As the Huffmans (hopefully!) progress decisively through the tournament, Laser Blade w/ Machine Gun Attachment will be there to chronicle it. It is truly a watershed moment for reality TV, and for Mr. and Mrs. Brendan Huffman.

Meet the Huffmans

Meet us! Brendan and Bridget Huffman on Here Come the Newlyweds (that's for SEO).

I need to dance

That's my nephew. This is a humorous video because children are cute.

Yacht update

Well, the warm weather is here, Summer is coming, so you know what that means! It’s

YACHTING SEASON!

How are everyone’s preparations coming along? This year we’ve decided to reupholster the leather in the cocktail lounge and install a motorized closet system, a bit like the one Kurt Russell installs in Overboard.

It has, most regrettably, been more work than we had anticipated. The elephant leather we ordered from Niger has been held up at customs, and we haven’t been able to hire enough skilled help to do all the work in time. Looks like we might not set sail for All the Fanciest Islands on schedule, but when we do, it will surely be in grand style.

Bridget’s Uncle Cheeves and Aunt Mumsie are coming in from Connecticut and we’ll be meeting them somewhere in the Chesapeake. What we like to do when Uncle and Auntie come ‘round is race our yachts up and down the coastline bullhorning insults to the commonfolk, enjoying their river insects and cheap beerwater, all the while sipping leisurely on fine Spanish sherries.

How about you? How do you most enjoy your yacht?

No SPK this week

So, Rob and I were unable to come up with an episode of Salt Pepper Ketchup this week. Scheduling is very tough! But we made this, and I like it.

Tit Patrol Gets Less Worse

DE punk rockers Tit Patrol, featuring many fine fellows that I know, are putting out a new album, and the cover is just fantastic. Photo by Pat Robinson.

Check out more info HERE.

Bridget and family 1981

Recent google searches leading to this blog

I like to do this every now and again. My favorite is "ridiculous gun attachments."

The number is the amount of times the search leaded to clicking on this blog. My log doesn't go back very far because I use the free version of StatCounter.

4 laserblade with machine gun attachment
3 mancierge
3 real laser gun
3 brendan huffman and bridget schroth
3 laserblade
3 harmonica, attachment
2 here come the newlyweds youtube commercial
2 cheese chalet potato salad
2 laser blade
2 gun fotos
2 brendan huffman
1 real lazer gun
1 most advanced machine gun
1 whisky neat reviews
1 the crisis management toastmasters speech
1 how do you know shingles is coming on
1 how to make a real life laser gun
1 machine lazer blog
1 how to decorate a room to look like sailor things
1 huffman laser
1 annika huffman delaware
1 annika huffman
1 summer vacation attachment
1 how to decorate a gun
1 huffman's twice baked potatoes
1 devonne88@aol.com -craigslist
1 jesse spacco
1 bruce walsh
1 machine gun attachments
1 brendan charles huffman
1 bridget schroth
1 tech 9 machine gun magazine
1 how to make laser gun special effects
1 ridiculous gun attachments
1 laser view of machine guns
1 magazine cover class project
1 an experiment in misery
1 laser machine gun
1 laser blade game
1 here come the newlyweds huffman

Salt Pepper Ketchup episode 5

Here Come the Newlyweds commercial

Here's the first glimpse of the show, and it is pretty extensive! This is very strange for me.

Dear Sirs,

I am writing to express my enthusiasm for your radio broadcast team, namely Pat Scott Franzke and Larry Anderson. This duo of professionals calls each Phillies game with intelligence, gusto, and humour.

Pat Franzke has a way with words, he's my favorite play-by-play man in all honesty. And Larry Anderson is always both wise and witty in his ever-changing moods.

Thanks, Phillies!

Don't sweat it--a motivational

Mostly, you will encounter indifference when you put yourself out there. You probably have a goal or an idea or maybe just a notion. Well, don't let that stop you! Get out there again and GO FOR THE WIN.

Salt Pepper Ketchup #4

The official version is HERE.

Even nasty things can be nice sometimes

Lovely lass, originally uploaded by brendan2026.

Running

So I'm running the Broad St. Run tomorrow. It is 10 miles. I've never run that many miles all at once before, so I'm looking forward to seeing how I hold up.

While I'm sure I'll be able to handle the distance, I'm VERY concerned about the obstacles that I've been reading about. I figure the Hungry Raccoon Pit around mile 2 shouldn't be too bad--even if I fall in, I'm not scared to kick any of them away while I climb the rope ladder.

Also not too worried about the Fire Slide around mile 4. The fire is mostly to scare you, and the actual temperature on the slide is around 170 degrees, and I can handle that.

I do, however, keep myself up at night worrying about Nutter's Alley, which goes through City Hall at the halfway point. It is a trench every runner has to pass through that shoots darts across your path. I've heard you have a pretty good chance of taking a dart or two, and that they're smaller than regular darts but still sharp as shit. In the brochure it says they have a computer system that analyzes your height as you pass through and keeps the projectiles underneath the nipples, but I just fear with all the commotion I might take a dart in the temple.

After that the only thing I'm sweating is Scary Mile. Apparently you enter into a tent-like structure with all the lights off except for strobe lights, and there are people dressed up as mummies and Draculas, and I've heard there is one ostrich in there. Nuts to that!

While I look forward to this race, I'm not quite sure all of this is safe, or even legal. But I guess that's how we do things in Philly!