Laser Blade w/ Machine Gun Attachment

The Vortex

2009-12-07T23:00:00.001-05:00

I went to this excellent burger spot in Little Five Points, Atlanta. I had the best burger I've eaten in ages. Also, the entrance is a skull with crazy eyes.

Atlanta

2009-12-07T14:07:00.001-05:00

sleeper

2009-12-03T10:13:00.001-05:00

fx camera

2009-12-01T16:51:00.001-05:00

I enjoyed this

2009-11-30T20:24:00.000-05:00

Tim Heidecker Stand Up 9 from Tim Heidecker on Vimeo.

Test post

2009-11-26T12:12:00.001-05:00

I'm using newfangled mobile software on this post. I hope the results are good.

Philly Thanksgiving Parade with babies

2009-11-26T12:01:00.001-05:00

Steel versus Steel

2009-11-23T10:45:00.004-05:00

I think maybe my mates don't want me to post this, but oh well. We've got some new music happening. We're a band called Steel versus Steel. This is our first practice.

2009-10-26T23:27:00.001-04:00

Shower!, originally uploaded by brendan2026.

Ugh, more baby

2009-11-13T10:14:00.001-05:00

What I have been up to

2009-11-19T15:37:00.003-05:00

It certainly hasn't been posting to L-Blade.

KRMPOTICH

2009-11-20T08:43:00.003-05:00

KRMPOTICH, originally uploaded by brendan2026.

The truck reads:

DAVID M. KRMPOTICH

"The Gentlemen Movers"

I have seen this truck around Conshohocken and have been attempting to snap a photo, to no avail. Today I got lucky. The truck is a little farther away in the photo than I would have liked. But you can see what is going on.

I thought Krmpotich would defy some sort of consonant/vowel rule, but there it is. And don't forget, they are "The Gentlemen Movers."

I like this.

I'm ok

2009-11-12T15:25:00.003-05:00

Don't worry, I didn't fall in a vat of snake venom and get a coma. I just have not been feeling the need to share anything lately, whether it be things I like or thoughts I've had, or my recipes. I was working on a video for sharing but at the very end it corrupted and I lost my work. It was a real shit.

I'll be back in the swing of things soon enough.

I like this is back

2009-10-19T13:08:00.002-04:00

Great tune, pretty, and funny, and probably doesn't mean anything to any of you guys! Rob, Alan, and Bridget I think will get it. But it's kind of like my life these days, it's all Sadie Pepper and Street Fighter.

Well written.

Toastmasters Speech #3: Get to the Point

2009-10-14T10:49:00.004-04:00

I am delivering this speech tomorrow at our Toastmasters International meeting at work. Now, I consider myself to be more a writer than a speaker, so I'm pretty sure it will come out bumbling and the jokes will fall flat. But, I think it looks nice in writing:

It’s: Pizza

Good afternoon, fellow Toastmasters. Today I’m going to discuss a subject that I’m sure each and every one of us, minus the lactose intolerant, is reasonably passionate about: PIZZA. Is there a more perfect food? Pizza can be the most delicious when at its simplest, but has the potential for more variation than any other dish in all of cuisine throughout history and time.

In an extremely informal and inaccurate poll I conducted this morning, pizza was named as the planet’s favorite food (95% margin of error).

I’d like to briefly discuss the history of pizza. We all know that pizza is of Italian origin, but it has roots in Greek and Roman culture. Well, I suppose Romans are basically just fancy Italians, but you know what I mean. The Greeks covered their breads in oil, herbs and cheese. The Romans made a dish called placenta (gross!) that was layers of dough mixed with honey and ricotta cheese. Modern pizza originated as the Neopolitan pie in Italy, which was dough and red sauce. On April 4, 1889, at 2:14 pm, a man named Fiorello added cheese to a Neopolitan pie, and the angels sang.

I encountered an anecdote while backpacking through the hills of Tuscany—it is said that King Ferdinand the First disguised himself as a commoner, and in clandestine fashion, visited a poor neighborhood in Naples. Among other adventures, he had a great desire to sink his teeth into a dish that the queen had banned at royal court—PIZZA!

Now, to modern times. Growing up during the height of the corporate pizza wars of the 1980s, I associated pizza with Pizza Hut, Dominos, and Little Caesar’s (which had the benefit of being TWO pizzas). To me, that stuff was just the best. Children all throughout the 80s clamored for Friday night pizza deliveries, pizza parties, pool parties with pizza, birthday parties with pizza, pizza day at school, etc. It wasn’t until much later that I discovered what heathen, inedible garbage all that consumerist swill was. I began eating pizza from small, non-chain pizzerias, like Margherita’s Pizza on Main St. in Newark DE. I vowed to never eat corporate pizza again, unless it was free.

I became a pizza enthusiast. What is cool about being a pizza enthusiast is that it doesn’t really have the connotations that say a wine or a cheese enthusiast have, which are, a snob. Pizza is the food of the common man, and we gladly eat it as we spit in the face of the bourgeoisie with their caviars and their truffles.

Now, I had it in my head that we do pizza the best in the U.S. Sure, Italy created pizza, but we popularized it, right? Therefore it is the best? Well, when I traveled to Italy in 2000, I had a bit of a revelation. Italians still make the best pizza. They have pizza laws, man! Codes and standards for pizza! It sounds funny, but it is not a joke. I’m sure there is an Italian concern lobbying for ASTM to publish its own pizza specifications, guides, and test methods. According to the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana, specific tomatoes and cheese must be used: San Marzano tomatoes and cheese made from the milk of water buffalo raised in the marshlands of Campania and Lazio. To cook, I quote:

The genuine Neapolitan pizza dough consists of Italian wheat flour (type 0 or 00, or a mixture of both), natural Neapolitan yeast or brewer's yeast, salt and water. For proper results, strong flour with high protein content (as used for bread-making rather than cakes) must be used. The dough must be kneaded by hand or with a low-speed mixer. After the rising process, the dough must be formed by hand without the help of a rolling pin or other mechanical device, and may be no more than 3 mm (¹⁄₈ in) thick. The pizza must be baked for 60–90 seconds in a 485 °C (905 °F) stone oven with an oak-wood fire.

As you can see, they are real serious about their pizza. There are fewer rules when it comes to another popular pizza style, Lazio, in which the pizza is baked in large flat pans and sold by weight. This is called pizza rustica or pizza al taglio. Usually the vendors cut the pie with scissors. This is the stuff I ate non-stop when I was in Rome, and each time my pizza world was rocked.

I came back from this trip and got a college job at Iron Hill Brewery, where I eventually became a pizza cook. If I could make serious money making pizzas, I’d be out of this place (ASTM) in an instant. Making pizza was the most rewarding and fun job I’ve ever had. I did it all—morning shifts, I would make the dough for the next day and a half, prepare all the toppings, come up with pizza specials, and flip pies for the lunch crowd. The night shift consisted of flipping pies all night long.

Like any art form, pizza chefery has its true artists and its hacks. I was certainly the most talented pizzaman at the Newark Iron Hill, and I patented my own pizza style to distinguish myself from the other pizza cooks, who were all, with the exception of Donovan, hacks. The style is called Total Hotness, and it consists of just a few rules: pizza ALWAYS served hot; not too much cheese; pizza shape: always round; and not too much flour on the bottom crust. This style was mostly just a reaction to the awful techniques of some of my colleagues.

The nice thing about working at Iron Hill is that you can see the cooks, particularly at the pizza station. I felt like I was the center of everyone’s attention in the restaurant. Of course, I was not, not by a long shot. Usually people were looking at their food, or their dining partners.

But every once in a while, the magic of pizza would entice a pretty lady to approach me and chat as I was flipping pies. She’d say, "my, those pizzas look delicious," and I’d say, "I know, I made them," and in those moments, I knew that magic was real.

Also, lots of just average-looking ladies would approach me, too.

Bonus story: Pizza in Scotland (if there is time).

Dont forget the Funnies

2009-10-14T13:05:00.002-04:00

October 6 2009, originally uploaded by brendan2026.

Make sure to catch all the fun nearly every day at www.calendarfunnies.com!

Cute Times

2009-10-14T13:02:00.001-04:00

"here, has a candy"

"now you has a candy"

Baby video

2009-10-03T18:34:00.000-04:00

Still got it

2009-10-01T14:28:00.004-04:00

Hire me to write your claptrap:

Week 5 Film Log

Michael Taussig’s enigmatic essay “Mimesis and Alterity” deals with the causal relationship that exists between percept and subjective consciousness—the viewer and the viewed. This relationship that is so fundamental to our interaction with the world is rife with mystery, and hence contains fertile ground for both scientific and artistic exploration and interpretation. Julio Medem’s film Vacas is an excellent vehicle to explore these ideas.

Specifically I would like to discuss Taussig’s concept of the fetish quality, the “animism and spiritual glow of commodities,” as it relates to the film. Manuel Iriguíbel, who later becomes the grandfather, escapes naked from a cart of corpses as he flees war. As he looks up after plunging from the cart, he sees a cow staring down at him. In his heightened life-or-death emotional state, the image of the cow is seared into his mind, both conscious and unconscious. The cow becomes his fetish object, through which he sees and interprets the world. The grandfather’s paintings of cows are an example of how the optical unconscious works on him to relive the “profane illumination” that is a result of the mysterious relationship between him and cows, and the mimesis involved therein, the “visceral quality of the percept uniting viewer with the viewed.”

This visceral quality of vision, meaning the actual physical connections inside of our bodies and organs, is exemplified during times of transition in the film. The grandfather looks into a cow’s eye, which becomes a tunnel to a different time or place. The grandfather’s world is one in which he constantly relives the most significant moment of his life, escaping war and death, through his relationship with his fetish object, cows; more specifically, the act of seeing cows.

Baby Update

2009-10-01T14:27:00.001-04:00

Dad, originally uploaded by brendan2026.

ALL OK!

Poem Reprint

2009-09-30T15:10:00.000-04:00

I recently enjoyed reading my old poem on beer:

Beer

every sip is a party
you should have it at parties
I drink beer at parties

I drink beer to enhance my life—
but I don’t abuse it
sometimes a cold beer just tastes so nice

beer is a very old beverage so it’s neat
thinking that maybe even Malcolm X drank beer—
much like we do today

but we’ll never know for sure
because it happened so long ago and
little is known about him

beer—every sip is a party
you might not like it at first
keep trying because the benefits of drinking it outweigh the negatives

Coming clean

2009-09-28T14:32:00.003-04:00

Readers, I have an announcement.

55-70% of the material on this blog is jokes. I made it up. It's not real.

I feel like Oprah when she wrote that fake book about getting beat up all the time, then it came out on her show that she made most of it up to, I dunno, be a big shot I guess.

The sad thing is, I did it for the money as well, but I only ever made about $30 from this blog, and that was mostly indirectly, because the money was for doing some ladder work for a fellow, and he had only just heard of me through this blog.

So, I'm sorry. My life is not as magical and talented as you had thought. I promise never to lie on the Internet again.

List of acceptable cusses

2009-09-22T15:59:00.005-04:00

Now that I am a father and have a small baby in the house, all cussing will be curtailed. Since we are a family that loves to cuss so much, I am making a list of acceptable cuss words to use around our daughter as she grows up.

Acceptable cusses:

darn
consarnit
shucks
phooey
gosh
doggone
fuck
get out of town
cripes
heck
balls n' ass
golly
flim flam
molasses
dickhead
tushie
if that don't beat all
hambone
shit
tits
hell
damn
cunt

Baby break

2009-09-16T22:18:00.002-04:00

It's fun how little I've been looking at the Internet lately. It's because I have a sweet new baby. I don't feel like I have to keep up on my sites so much.

Mostly I've been doing so many chores! And holding that little muffin.

Baby time pt. 2

2009-09-14T01:38:00.002-04:00

I have a child now.

Flickr